I’m not really the type to be all upfront about my personal issues here on my blog. Usually I bottle it all up until it explodes like a volcano but (well, this must be it exploding hehe.) But no, not really. I haven’t exploded yet. I have extended my patience long enough for me to keep all the flames under control.
I’m not gonna go into detail. I don’t like detailing or outlining my personal life here on this blog and normally, if you readers have noticed I usually state my inner feelings through poetry or other vague means. I just can’t be direct.
There’s this quote I saw on Movie Quotes or some Facebook page like that. I haven’t personally seen The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind as I am not a huge movie fan but I was scrolling down and I came across this quote.
Hurts, huh? But it’s true. We go about our lives with people in it and we sit next to them, walk with them, eat with them, spend a lot of time with them and we think we know them. We think we know them so well and when things go awry we find ourselves saying, I guess I never really knew him/her at all.
You never really knew me at all. Why? Because you’re superficial. You spend months with me and you think you have me all figured out because you see me, you practically know my body from all angles and you think that’s enough to know someone.
When you saw the scars on my hand and you asked about them, I wish you had pressed me harder when I said no.
When I smoked outside in silence, I wish you had asked me if I was okay.
I wish you had asked me more about myself than the usual small talk.
But in a sense, I suppose it’s okay that you don’t since I have everything figured out. So that when you leave it won’t hurt as much, since I didn’t give a piece of myself to you. Money can be replaced but trust cannot. Each time I want to trust you, or open up to you I find some reason, always some other reason to hold back. Maybe I’m just overthinking, or maybe I’m just too guarded and suspicious but I would rather protect myself than turn out to be the fool in the end.
It hurts less when you don’t give as much.
And it’s okay if you go. You never knew me anyways. We were strangers all this time. All the time we spent together was just physical. Our souls were never even present.